My mother had such a bright and alive personality it was hard not to smile around her. Her energy was contagious and I learned that life was better with a smile on my face. On the day of her funeral I went through one of the biggest emotional rollercoasters I could ever imagined.

I was silent, I spoke, I cried, I choked, I lost myself in thoughts, and then.. I laughed. When the ceremony was over and we said our last goodbyes the family and all who came out to pay their respects gathered for coffee, cake, and sandwiches – how the Dutch do that best. Somewhere in between my second sandwich and the 136th person telling me how sorry he was, I burst out in an unstoppable giggle. I couldn’t control it, but all I wanted to do was laugh. Like all the sadness of the last weeks wasn’t welcome in my body anymore, enough was enough. My mother finally found peace, there was no pain anymore, and I smiled. I smiled till I giggled, I laughed till tears rolled over my cheeks.

Unexplainable I stood there thinking – My mother loved it when I laughed.

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One thought on ““How I Survived My Mother’s Funeral – 3. Laugh”

  1. Manon.. I’m speechless. One of my biggest fears, when I was a kid, was the fear of losing my mother. Your words are touching. You are such a strong woman. I love your writing style. When my mother’s father died, she stops crying and she told me the exact words you wrote: “There is no pain anymore, I’m in peace because he is in peace.”

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